To All The Lost People
The thought of my past relationships and their end made me pensive and also the thought about why each one of them ended. What is it that I lacked, or what it is that they lacked, if it is was avoidable, or how can I learn from all that happened and didn’t happen. There are always casualties on both sides in a fight. The least I can do is look back and keep myself from repeating the same mistakes like before. Self-reflection is the highest form of respect I can give to all these relationships that changed me, sometimes irreversibly, into a different person. Some people made me kinder, some made me more callous. I came up with the following observations. These are the ground rules for my future relationships, and I’ve set these in a way that makes both people, me and my friend, dignified to ourselves.
If I’m keeping you as a priority in my life, I would expect that in return too. I don’t think I have the energy to give 100% of myself to people who give me just 10% back of their real selves, anymore. I’m going to reciprocate what I get. Nothing more, nothing less. I might care for you more than you care for me, but don’t think for one second, that I’m going to let that cloud my judgement. I’m going to give 100% of myself TO myself first.
If we’re having a disagreement, I would see how far you’re willing to go before you lose it and how you respond to that. I hate losing, but for my people, I’d purposefully lose a thousand arguments, because, their relationship is more important to me than my pride. Respecting each other’s opinions is very important not just in friendships, but in general. Not everybody you meet is going to agree with everything you say. You don’t need to fight about everything you feel differently about. It’s okay; you can let it be.
If you hear rumors about me and don’t tell me, that seems really wrong, because whenever I hear something bad about anybody who I care about, first I tell the person concerned. It’s better if they hear it from you than somebody whispering it or shouting it at them in a hallway or during class. Don’t be swayed by what other people think, who are not in your circle.
When I get a text/call, I immediately reply or apologize profusely if I’m late for any reason. Don’t be a shit, and kindly apologize to me if you’re late. That’s a sign of respect. I don’t care how much ‘best friends’ we are. Respect is an important aspect in any kind of relationship to me. I give respect to you; I deserve it too. And I’m going to let you know if you disrespect me, and if you’re not willing to fix it, I’m going to let you go. Nobody is more important to me than me.
If you try and understand me, I’ll try and understand you. If you can’t, tell me. But don’t you go and talk to other people about me. That’s how rumors start. Ask me things about me that you’re uncertain about, tell me what you think about my bad aspects, I’ll try, yes, I’ll try my best to fix them, for you. Don’t tell other people my flaws; don’t tell them my secrets because you had nothing else to talk about. Don’t tell them how my parents and I fight; don’t tell them how much I have thought about dying. Don’t tell others.
When you’re really, really are with someone, even if you don’t share interests with them, you still try and keep up with their interests because you want to see them smile when you know something about their likes. Don’t make me feel small and insignificant for liking bands you don’t like, or not liking an actor/actress you like. Insults from my people make me really self-conscious about myself. Encourage me, I’ll encourage you. Don’t make me feel small because we have different opinions on things. You might forget about it 10 seconds after you said it, but I’ll replay it again and again throughout the night. Sometimes it takes just a wrong sentence to cause the rift between two unbreakable people.
I expect you to choose me ’cause, I will choose you no matter what. Even sometimes over my siblings. If you’re really my friend, that is. But when you abandon me, for mere things that you might have liked doing that hurts a fucking lot even if you don’t think I’ll like it, ask me first. I’d go to hell with you, if you asked me to. Don’t assume shit and leave me behind.
I expect my people to know that even though it’s no secret that I love being alone and I require a lot of private space, even when we’re hanging out. If I tell you to leave me alone during difficult times and you completely leave me alone, that sucks so much, to be honest, ‘cause if I was in your shoes, I would still keep nagging me until I finally ‘fessed up that I’m really fucking sad. Don’t leave me alone when I need you the most ’cause I ask you to. Nobody wants that.
Wish me at 12:00 A.M on my birthday. Don’t fall asleep. Because no matter how tired I am, no matter what disagreement we might’ve had, if it’s your birthday, I’m wishing you at 12:00 A.M. I’ll constantly keep letting you know that even though you don’t like me like you used to, you’ll always be mine, and I treat my people like Royals. I’ll always tell you how grateful I am to have you as a part of my life. There aren’t enough “I love you”s in the world, there aren’t enough 'I’m sorry's, and I’ll find them all for you.
This is to the people that I’ve lost over the years, or who drifted apart, the ones who left me alone and the ones who never did. The ones who never talked to me after I told them they were the best people I had ever met, the ones who turned their backs on me so fast and destroyed my reputation as 'retribution' or 'revenge'.
I still think about you. I still think and smile of all the good things you said to me. The times you stood up for me. The times we shared food, the pictures that we took together with the captions of how we’ll never, ever leave each other. Thank you for everything, even the bad memories. You taught me that nothing lasts forever, and that is perfectly alright. I have been completely at fault many times for not reaching out when I should have but just to let you know; I’ve learned my lesson. Just to let you know, I’ll never, ever let anyone else down like I did to you. And to the ones that I still have pictures of in my phone, I still ask about you from old friends.
So, so many people have left me, so many I see from day-to-day, they look at me like they don’t know me. But I do. And I’ll still smile at you. Because you wanted to break me, by destroying me, but you know what? Thank you. You made me stronger and kinder than I ever could’ve imagined.
Share this with the people you have lost and people you never want to lose just to let them know that they are still important to you, and they will always be.