Our depressions have their own unique colours
If you think that the only color associated with depression is black, you are so terribly wrong.
I have met people wearing colourful clothes, smiling, laughing, taking care of themselves, yet falling apart. I have been one of them too. I have experienced blue depression, black depression and I guess, red one too.
Black one is quite common. I put myself into a cage and this cage became my one and only comfort zone. I started getting used to my own company, but I didn't enjoy it. I wore all black, sometimes forgot to comb my hair or to use a nail polish. Sometimes I forgot on purpose. I started being addicted to caffeine and tobacco. Oh, and the worst. Melancholy. Suddenly my whole life turned into a black hole and my inner desire told me to close this terrible hole, finish it and rest. I rarely went out and when I did, everything just annoyed me. I was tired, yet I couldn't sleep. Insomnia became one of my best friends, next to melancholy, overthinking and chaos.
Red depression was also quite sad, because the only person who knew about it, was me. On the outside, I have been a girl who was always laughing and smiling, singing and dancing, taking care of myself. Wearing colourful clothes, having my make up and hair on point, but from the inside, I was dying. I was craving for someone to pull me out of all the sadness I had inside my body. I was aching so terribly, but I could not express and maybe I did not even want too. People thought that my life was so perfect, I had my dream job, friends... I was going out quite often, drinking in the clubs, dancing in the midnight, but, frankly, I was down in the dumps.
Blue depression is something I am stuck into right now. This thing comes from your soul and you are not able to hide it. Yes, you go outside, you look good, but people can see the sudden changes of your moods. In seconds, your smile can turn into frowning face and your laugh into tears.
I am feeling blue and literally this is the hardest thing to explain. I feel that something inside me is changing and even though I want to change it, I still feel awkward. I love a man who makes me feel blue. Blue depression is not something that appears itself. It is the one that spreads like flu, from your favorite person. Loving someone can really cause blue depression. It is a process when you want to be your best and try your best too, but still feel the fear of rejection and the fear of not being enough.
Feeling blue is being among your friends, having a good time and suddenly when a thought about him crosses your mind, changing your mood instantly. Feeling blue is when you are never really sure of what you want and what you need.
Feeling blue is the worst kind of depression, I have ever experienced.